- Can I count on you to be there for me when I need you?
- Can I trust that you will not leave me when the relationship deepens and becomes more complicated?
- Will you and your other partner(s) treat my feelings and interests as important?
- Can I trust that you will make me a priority when I need you?
- Will you be there for me when I’m upset?
- Will your other relationship(s) always come first?
- Can I trust you to keep our relationship agreements?
Why is “immediate” family structure so important? Well, the lines that define the family unit also typically define the borders of deep financial entanglement, procreation, primary sources of emotional support and child-rearing, etc. Or as sociologist James Henslin (Essentials of Sociology) states, the core functions of the family include “economic production, socialization of children, care of the sick and aged, recreation, sexual control and reproduction.” The nuclear family has been presumed ideal family structure in Western society during the modern era. However, signs of a growing need and willingness to experiment with different family structures are replete in contemporary society (from platonic life partners to a variety of polyamorous families). (more…)
Racing Lesson #1
When you lose control and leave the track, your instincts might be to slam on the brakes. Instead, you should keep steady and begin to slow down gradually. Major deceleration will upset the car when on an uneven surface and will likely result in a full-scale spinout.
Relationship application: This strategy initially worked very well. Slowed things down a bit. Had lots of conversations about the foundation. Along the way, we uncovered miscommunications that resulted in resentment. We worked on our ability to communicate difficult things with less acrimony. We were even able to accelerate once we got back on track. (more…)