Prioritize Me!

A friend asked for my thoughts about polyamory and the aphorism “Don’t prioritize people who don’t prioritize you.” Here is my response.

It really sucks when you get the sense that someone is not prioritizing you in the way you are prioritizing them. It seems to be one of the most frequent problems in all types of relationships not just poly ones. Early on in a relationship, prioritization mismatches seem to loom much larger than later in relationships. I surmise this has a lot to do with lacking a history of connection with the corresponding sense of confidence that the waxing and waning of prioritization isn’t a lack of interest but a natural flow of our complex busy lives. My best relationships (friends or loves) have shared the characteristics of being able to connect deeply, on broader aspects of ourselves, over a sustained period of time. It is easy to miss remember that the mutuality of these connections evolved over time with a typically uneven frequency of connection.

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Time is the thing…

Time is the thing.

The imagination is limitless.

Time constrains action.

I wrote those words last year as I was managing a pretty demanding schedule, a full life.  Two wonderful kids, their activities and heavy involvement in their school; an ex-partner with whom I share both co-parenting responsibilities but also a genuine friendship on most days; a great job with challenging responsibilities that allows me to express my analytical mind, creativity and desire for deep impact; two girlfriends with whom my sense of connection and caring was growing deeper by the day; a few close friends that keep me firmly grounded with joy; and a litter of cars that feed my habit of modifying and finding ways to drive faster (in style).  It is a life virtually bursting at the seams.  Full.

Time is the enemy of desire. (more…)