Lessons on relationships I learned racing sports cars

In sports car racing, there are times when your intuition fails you.  This issue is greatly compounded during the fast-moving and confusing situation of a near or actual crash.  I’ve been reflecting on relationship dynamics tonight and their similarity to race car dynamics.  This is especially poignant as tonight it appears that one of my relationships is crashing and burning…

Racing Lesson #1

When you lose control and leave the track, your instincts might be to slam on the brakes.  Instead, you should keep steady and begin to slow down gradually.  Major deceleration will upset the car when on an uneven surface and will likely result in a full-scale spinout.

Relationship application: This strategy initially worked very well.  Slowed things down a bit.  Had lots of conversations about the foundation.   Along the way, we uncovered miscommunications that resulted in resentment.  We worked on our ability to communicate difficult things with less acrimony.  We were even able to accelerate once we got back on track. (more…)

On Revenge and Forgiveness

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings

Pain is too often the result of actions of people very close to us.  At times these actions are made with the intent of causing us pain.  Other times, we make bad decisions that we know will result in other’s pain – but that’s not our direct intention.  Still other times, we’re surprised with the impact of our words and actions. Regardless of intent, the pain is real, sometimes causing tremendous suffering.  What are we to make of this?

I’ve lately been thinking quite a bit about the pain we cause each other – and suffering more generally.  Most of this reflection has been focused on being willing to look squarely at the pain I have caused others; to not hide from it.  Accept it as real.  And then…

…forgive myself for it. (more…)