Getting in Shape for Poly

Use your outside voice
She encouraged softly
Be bold, expressive
Become intimate with desire
Walk the line 

Who are you waiting for?
Every moment’s new
Now’s your chance
Don’t hold back

Live out loud

I’ve found this easy to say, but hard in the living… Living out loud is exhausting. It draws on an astounding range of the resources we bring to this life. On most days, it requires a constant push. And, on a precious few glorious days, there’s a pull that draws me effortlessly along. Work is typically required.

Do you have the energy to be poly?  Is there enough of you to share more broadly?  Everyone should routinely ask themselves similar questions, when beginning poly and/or when entering new relationships.  I take a very simple (and probably common) approach to answering them by thinking about the different and limited levels of resources people have that are needed to manage the daily acts of living. When we engage in challenging and engaging activities, we often find our resources consistently drained in one area or another.  These depleted states limit our capacity to regulate our emotions and effectively apply our intelligence, our compassion, and our skills when needed.  Choosing a demanding life, a soulful life, or even a poly life requires building and maintaining the resources and energy needed, if you want to live it well. (more…)

“Freedom’s just another word for…”

(“…nothing left to lose.”  – for the 10 people who don’t know Kris Kristofferson’s iconic song).

So, I woke up this morning with an overwhelming urge to jump on my motorcycle and blast down the road.  Destination unknown.  Return? Undecided.  But, you see, I haven’t built it yet.  It’s simply a figment of my fervent imagination.  All bits of unpolished aluminum, black powdercoat, and red leather.  Mere fragments of thought.  Machine sex love thoughts, but thoughts nonetheless.

I really hate and really love this stage of my projects.  It’s when I’ve imagined plenty enough for it to feel real.  That is, be real to me.  But, I haven’t pulled out the welder.  I haven’t bought an engine.  I haven’t stripped the frame.  There is no red leather seat for me to test my position in the saddle.  No grease that I can’t scrub out – but must cut out – of my nails.  I’m caught between wonder and action, creativity and reality, dreaming and awakening.  Ugh….

It’s like porn – but in my head – and starring a 1200 V-Twin instead of Sasha Grey.  As the details unfold, dissatisfaction with inaction grows in my muscle.  A tipping point looms and sweat, spit, muscle and heart will pour into steel, and leather, and copper and chrome.

And then…

…Until then…

…I ride.