It has been painful. And, it seemed that I couldn’t manage a full year without one of these issues cropping up. I was disillusioned and heartbroken. I wondered why I was doing it so wrong. Some of these folks were new to poly. Only dating experienced poly people (the no newb rule) is only partially effective – as it didn’t help me in two of the four cases above. They were more experienced in poly than I was. I couldn’t suss out a pattern to help me select more judiciously.
I decided on two things about a year ago and I’ve essentially stuck to them. The first, and probably most important thing, is that I decided that a broken heart isn’t the thing I’m most afraid of. I must “love with abandon.” A broken heart is not desirable but well worth the risk. So, I need to place my bets on compatibility, chemistry and mutual investment. Poly is only one element in that complex equation. (more…)