Trust Matters

Having more than one serious, committed relationship is a head scratcher for many people. Throughout the years since discovering my polyamorous nature*, I have dated many wonderful women who struggled mightily with adjusting to poly. I thought that jealousy would be the primary spoiler of otherwise beautiful unions. And while jealousy has been a frequent visitor, it was not behind the most difficult and important struggles. Jealousy has a short half-life, a quick emotional burst that can burn bright and frequently passes as much on its own as in response to soothing. The hard struggles all revolved around trust.

  • Can I count on you to be there for me when I need you?
  • Can I trust that you will not leave me when the relationship deepens and becomes more complicated?
  • Will you and your other partner(s) treat my feelings and interests as important?
  • Can I trust that you will make me a priority when I need you?
  • Will you be there for me when I’m upset?
  • Will your other relationship(s) always come first?
  • Can I trust you to keep our relationship agreements?